Zach's Fifth Birthday, 11/22/09

A rock and roll party pastiche

With a buffet of pizza and quiche

As we blast "Back in Black"

And the children attack

Us like thirty-two freaks on a leash.

Beat (Cal), 11/21/09

The more things change, they stay the same

Said someone (can't recall the name).

And having just watched

Stanford's victory botched

That someone may have meant Big Game.

A/B, See? 11/20/09

"I'm going to work" he explained

The shirt he'd put on that day

"Well you look to me

Quite like a worker bee"

"Actually, Dad, he said, "worker A."

Do Not Disturb, 11/19/09

All I want is to complete

One night of eight hours sleep

Without a kid yelling

Without a dog smelling

Without a cat biting my feet.

Swell Season, Lousy Upholstry, 11/18/09

On a seat at the Wiltern, I sit

Springs stabbing me through fabric's split

It's a good thing the show

Really rocks, 'cause you know

I'm getting too old for this shit.

Delizioso! 11/17/09

Nothing, it seems, is a treat.

You cook stuff for kids who don't eat.

And they hardly care

Until you prepare

Spaghetti and balls made of meat.

Sometimes, 11/16/09

Sometimes things get lost in the mail.

Sometimes you try to no avail.

Sometimes you could choke

Sometimes life's such a joke

And sometimes there's no end to its tale.

Yellow Rage, 11/15/09

I understand sometimes it's rough

To be 4, when you've just had enough

But don't vent your frustration

With your micturation

In other words: don't pee on stuff.

Stanford vs. SC, 11/14/09

Not in the time I've been alive

Did I think that I would survive

To witness SC

Destroyed so completely

Them: 21, Us: 55.

TMI, 11/13/09

When visiting your parents you

Do some things you'd rather not do

Like make up your bed

With the thought in your head

"These are sheets on which they used to screw."

The Business, 11/12/09

You've got some balls, calling me

As though we have no history

Or as if, at the end

You'd behaved as a friend

Instead of like an S.O.B.

Follow This, 11/11/09

If you think TV's in the shitter

Its content not worth its transmitter

You'll be happy to know

CBS plans a show

That's based on some guy's feed on Twitter.

Perchance to dream? 11/10/09

This morning at six we began

With the waking of our little man

So we brought him to bed

Hoping he'd rest his head

For a while. So much for that plan.

Is Misbehavin', 11/9/09

Zachary. What do we do

With a little boy who acts like you?

Are you jealous or worried?

Your temper's so hurried

I just hope all this shall pass, too.

A Driving Force, 11/8/09

I'd like to drive a limousine

Not so that I would be seen

But so when my boys

Will not stop making noise

I could raise the privacy screen.

Saturday Night Fiver, 11/7/09

When you're a girl turning five

Apparently you want to jive

'Cause tonight we will go

To a birthday disco

Celebrating some stayin' alive.

I see some blue paint and I want to drink it all, 11/6/09

When you're barely older than two

I suppose it's expected that you

Will sometimes ingest

Things that really aren't best

For your stomach... and make your poo blue.

The Writing Bug, 11/5/09

If the screenwriting bug has you bitten,

And with visions of glamour, you're smitten

That feeling you've got

Is assuredly not

About writing. It's about having written.

Grown-up Proofing, 11/4/09

It's like a breath of fresh air

Having no baby gate on the stair

And yet I still try

When I'm passing by

To avoid it, though it isn't there.

Kinderview, 11/3/09

The interview went, as it should

With us praising our eldest as good:

Creative, insightful!

Completely delightful!

They would love him, I think, Wildwood.

The Switchwitch, 11/2/09

Each year after candy's collected

And the Halloween spoils dissected

The Switchwitch comes back

With a toy in her sack

For the candy that you have rejected.

No Good Deed, 11/1/09

At our preschool it was "Mitzvah Day"

When we take our kids and duly say:

"We're here to help others.

Sick kids, with no mothers."

And they respond, "when can we play?"

Happy Halloween! 10/31/09

That rock 'n' roll dude sure looks mean

But that pirate's the cutest I've seen

And they're coming for you

So what will you do?

Give them candy -- Happy Halloween!

'Twas the night before Halloween, 10/30/09

My children can hardly believe

The candy they're set to receive

That they border on spastic,

So enthusiastic

Are they this All Hallows' Eve's Eve.

Daylight savings, 10/29/01

I'd just like to thank Nate and Zach

Who no longer wake in pitch black

Which makes for a fun day...

Or it will until Sunday

When we have to turn the clocks back.